Friday, April 01, 2005

OC is so nice! Laguna Beach is ok onli... very messy...

my keyboard is going haywire... letters o, p and c isnt working very well... so maybe they wont appear in some words...

queenie's wrking already~ Mama ask me to find a job, dear ask me to find a job... i hope i could wrk too... but u noe... its very time consuming... and now... time is wat i need mst... for dear, for school, for my family... I noe dat if i start working, everything is gonna go haywire...

i sort of regret leaving my previous job... i dunno why... but cmeto think of it... i wanna go back... but hey... i cant... fann noes why... last year... i still remember, 17 December, everything went DOWNHILL... Firstly, dear left for ns; secondly, i lost my job; last but not least, i got back my results, which i'm not very happy of... at dat time, i was lost... i dint noe wat to do... i just came home and cry... dear was not there with me during my so-called "darkest period" yet... everybody asked me wat i planned to do... all i could say was "private o lor"... sounded so pathetic... i wasnt being scold or punished... but dats even worse... i feel so bad inside...

now, here i am doing my o level as private candidate @ eddington.... its located at clark quay.... actually i'm quite glad dat things turned out dis way... i have more timewith dear... and for my family... and of cos, something which i am trying very hard to keep up with, friends. But... hai... its not dat easy... everybody changes...

for my eng test recently, my compo question was "Is there something in your life that you would like to change? What is it?" my answer? My Character. Actually i dunno why... but i noe i need a change... things are different now... i'm on my own most of the time... i tok things for granted... and i lost them... and i realise something along the way... friends are not forever... and i was reading alex's blog and it reminded me... Ignorance is bliss... oblivious to wat is happening behind me... maybe its better not to noe... but as time goes by, its not happening behind me anymore... it hits me straight in the face... it hurts... alot...

i'm trying to get over it... really... its difficult... i noe... now i really feel that i'm really lucky to have francis with me... i havent told him wat happen... i dunno how to tell him... its between me and a fren... no, its not you... i doubt she reads my blog... its something small... but to me... it means alot... and i was so hurt... i couldnt explain that kind of feeling... its worse than having ur heart broken in a relationship... and bcos of dat... i dun take friendship seriously to people i just know... like when i make new friends, i tend to have an invisible wall surrounding me...

but i bliv there are still some worth treasuring... like people who says they've last hope in love... well for me.. i've lost hope in friendship... i dun mean dat friends cannot be forever... it just dosent happen to me... i'm not lucky in dat area... maybe dats why i have francis...

my birthday is coming... i'm afraid... really... i noe it sounds odd... but in some ways i really dun wish the day would come... i noe things are like dat... but i dun wan to have "evidence" to show that things has really turned out like dat... i wont write it out here... i'll wait... i'll write wat is it after my birthday...

or maybe... i'll simply delete my most truthful post at blogger yet...

not the first; not the last; & probably not the best 12:53:00 AM